I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
