Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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