We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
