ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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