yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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