I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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