I will die if light touches me.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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