Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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