I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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