my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
