I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
