I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
