when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
