Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
