Can i not drive my cunt home
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
