im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
