Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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