while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
