The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
