PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
