so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
