my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
