she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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