I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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