last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
