I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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