4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize