I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
