when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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