It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
