Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
