I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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