Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize