she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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