last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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