remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
