How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
