Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
