Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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