am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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