So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just cropdusted the office
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
