Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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