If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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