she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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