i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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