can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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