You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
