did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
