Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
