Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
