glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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