grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
