no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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