I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize