So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
