Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
