I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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