I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
