You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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