she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
