I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.