Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
