She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.