Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.