if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
