I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.