Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

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  (631): dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me. http://tfl.nu/uux2
  Replies (8) Good night (3219) Bad night (732)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Emoooo

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  (317): It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups. (1-317): Emoooo http://tfl.nu/8g06
  Replies (10) Good night (843) Bad night (2331)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.

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  (719): I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me. http://tfl.nu/o08k
  Replies (16) Good night (5306) Bad night (1442)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?

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  (516): I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you? http://tfl.nu/jwce
  Replies (6) Good night (2717) Bad night (828)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"

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  (303): good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia" http://tfl.nu/o7ku
  Replies (6) Good night (2083) Bad night (1640)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest

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  (815): Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest http://tfl.nu/qjdf
  Replies (12) Good night (4369) Bad night (685)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just got booed by the entire restaurant.

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  (614): just got booed by the entire restaurant. http://tfl.nu/m1gn
  Replies (10) Good night (898) Bad night (3842)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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  (519): He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8f21
  Replies (13) Good night (2486) Bad night (740)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.

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  (801): I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped. http://tfl.nu/dgi2
  Replies (10) Good night (1582) Bad night (631)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!

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  (314): Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo! http://tfl.nu/csd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1412) Bad night (551)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become

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  (519): I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become http://tfl.nu/18v7
  Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (267)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.

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  (215): I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back. http://tfl.nu/mir2
  Replies (3) Good night (469) Bad night (261)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly

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  (443): Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly (443): Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly http://tfl.nu/ja6d
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (186)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.

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  (605): I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now. http://tfl.nu/u9c0
  Replies (1) Good night (165) Bad night (343)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?

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  (651): WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED? (612): WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH? http://tfl.nu/zn4r
  Replies (0) Good night (599) Bad night (133)

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