My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mom said you looked used
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
