two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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