Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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