Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
