I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
