shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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