Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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