We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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