I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
