I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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