Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
