i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
