We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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