bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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