it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
