I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
