I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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