smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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